Weeks went by and my pregnancy was still a secret. I almost felt like I was lying to people even though no one asked. My husband (as cute as he is) decided to design these shirts (picture posted above) to announce to our parents that we were expecting! I was sweaty and nervous as we went to my parents house first. Of course my mom, God bless her. She didn’t get it. She looked at it and I think she said “aww this is a cute shirt thank you guys for bringing me home something”, even though we had already given her the shot glasses and coffee mugs a month prior. My sister annoyingly asked “mom, did you READ the shirt?!” My sister knew obviously at this point but my parents didn’t. My mom read the shirt and immediately began to cry. YAY, one family down and now we could share our joy! Off to family two. We were meeting for dinner and brought over the shirts because my husband told his mom “ the shirts didn’t fit his friends so if she wanted them she could have them.” Clever!
Waiting for the perfect time after visiting with everyone to give the shirts out, when his mom picked them up and decided that now would be the best time. She read the shirt and read it again, confused she looked up, “ARE YOU PREGNANT?!” I shook my head yes, and she squealed with joy!! The family all congratulated us and I think even our cute little niece Lillian clapped at the news. Joyous once again, another family down and I was relieved we didn’t have to hide it at least to them!!!
Every day I woke up I felt excited that it really was happening and Jake and I were going to have a little babe! My family and his family both were so excited, texting almost daily to check in and we talked about names, shower venues, shower themes, etc. I was so anxious to have my first official appointment! I just wanted to see what it looked like! I think they tell you to schedule your first appointment and ultrasound at 10 weeks? Well mine happened a little sooner and it wasn’t the ideal situation that I had hoped for.
So my job day to day is a studio owner, trainer and fitness instructor. I’m literally always on the go. So one day while at the studio, I had just gotten done training for the day and greeted my business partner Sam before I headed into the bathroom. Squatting down I remember feeling again that crampy feeling which I had actually been feeling all day, weird? Pulled down my pants to see immediately, blood. My heart stopped. I stared for what seemed like 5 minutes to make sure it really was blood (yes I literally stared at my undies to check my junk and make sure what I was seeing really was what it was). Sure enough it was blood. I held back my tears and emotions until I got in my car.
Tears began pouring down my face as I called my mom, I called Jake, I called Jake’s sister, I think I called my sister as well and just wanted someone to tell me it was okay. I was so worried, I called the doctor after making my rounds with the family and talked to their emergency doctor on staff. He reassured me that yes, I was correct that feeling both cramping and bleeding together are not good signs but there was so much more it could have been. But just in case he wanted me to be scheduled to be seen the next day to be safe. I went home, I think I ate Taco Bell out of complete depression and cried myself to sleep.
The next day was there before I knew it. I even cancelled all my morning clients to lay in bed before my appointment. I was thinking the worst. Is this what it feels like to miscarry? Was that happening to us? What is wrong with me? Did we just tell our family and get everyone so excited and now we have to go back and tell them I lost the baby? Every single thing I thought of made me cry. Thank goodness Jake was there to make me feel okay. He told me that no matter what happened that it wasn’t my fault and that we would just continue on and try again when we were able. He told me that everything would be okay. I believed him but still felt so sad.
As we got to our appointment I was puffy eyed and ready for any news they could tell us. First we saw the doctor and he examined me. Sticking what seemed to be his hold hand and head up there to see, he wanted to make sure my “cervix was still closed”. I was relieved to know that in fact it was. That was a vision for Jake, that was his first trip to the gyno. I think we immediately became closer and he saw a whole new side to my who-ha. Then it was time to get an ultrasound. The doctor wanted to see if there was still a baby in there.
In the ultrasound room I got undressed and covered with a sheet. The tech came in and put me in stirrups and explained to us what was going to happen. She then took the probe, which if you have ever gotten an ultrasound to see internally, oh boy was that a sight! It literally looks like a LONG wand, like a curling iron wand. If she was to use that whole thing I probably would have felt it in my throat, haha. Jake of course says some witty comment as she lubed up the probe and she reassured me and I think him too, that the whole thing would not be going in. PHEW. And there we saw it, I began to tear up. I held Jake’s hand and she explained that little blueberry is your baby. Alive and healthy. We really were going to be parents. Once again I felt a sense of relief. I really was going to be a mom.